Conversations

• "I have met rocks with better conversational skills than you."
• "I have heard too many of your lectures." "What lectures?" "Sorry, you say conversation starters,  I say lectures."
• "When you talk, do you stop and think before the words come out, or do you just spit it out like your bad breath?"
• "Conversations are two sided...unless they're with Shirley over there. Then it's just one sided."
• "I'm sorry, I was too busy tuning you out to catch that last half hour."

Reality and Fairytales

• "In reality, that frog you kissed is a toad and the only thing you get is warts."

• "My glass slipper broke and now I've got pumpkin guts all over me."

• "Rapunzel cut her hair and tied it to the bed post so that she could get out, not so he could get in."

• "Ariel might not smell the fishy odor, but I do."

• "In reality, if after two near death experiences, you take the third apple? You deserve to die."

• "Beauty may fall for the beast, but Brains gets the hell out of there."

• "If you sleep your life away waiting for Prince Charming, eventually you're going to wake up and realize you just let life pass you by."

Insulting Conversation Comments

• "If there had been a 30 day return policy, your mother would've sent you back."

• "You look like you were hit by three trucks, got up, cleaned yourself off, and then got hit by a biker."

• "If you only looked as pretty as your insides, not even your mother would kiss you."

• "You don't even have half the brain cells God gave a T-Rex."

• "When you talk, and words come out, all I hear is, 'I'm a bitch who doesn't know when to shut up.' So please stop speaking."

• "You're right about as often as Hayley's Comet is visible form Earth..."

• Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse, you walked in the door, and suddenly hell wasn't such a bad place."

• "Do you hear yourself when you talk, or are you so in love with the sound of your voice, that it doesn't matter?"

• "If only everybody were as stupid as you; then you wouldn't look so much like an ignorant ass."

• "It's hard to see anything with your head so far up her ass."

• "The only difference between you and a caveman is I'd have better conversation with the caveman."

First Entry

All this is going to be is one, maybe two liners for you to laugh at;

• "Lying doesn't make me a bad person." "Well I don't think you'll be winning any upstanding citizen awards."

• "None of this makes sense! It's like you just threw a bunch of words together and expected me not to notice!" "...well I should get an A for effort."

• "What do you think the French say when they cuss? Pardon my English?"

• "Five minutes and this shirt is coming off." "I TOLD you she was stripping back there." "Not my undershirt, you perverts! I'm talking about my top shirt!" "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

• "Life is not a party." "Not when you've got a ten foot stick up your ass."